My Daily Toke

Archive for the ‘For Real?’ Category

This shit is not a joke…I repeat, not a joke….The fucking Pope is recording a CD. Also, Rush Limbaugh has just lost 600 lbs and stopped abusing prescription drugs, just kidding that will never happen, but unfortunately there will come a day when the Pope’s first single ecomes Itunes free song of the week, because no one will want to hear that shit. Pope Benedict has signed with major record label Geffen to cut an album of songs and prayers to the Virgin Mary. The pope will be accompanied by a choir recorded in Rome. The album will also feature classical music by an international group of composers of various faiths, to be performed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra at London’s Abbey Road studios, most famous for its association with the Beatles.

Ummm since when did the Vatican think it was a good idea to authorize this. The Vatican always makes an immediate jump to damn to hell anyone who portrays the Catholic church in a negative way, well except for their priests who touch children, they just get relocated. I can do without this old creepy white haired man, who is said to have the voice of a lullaby being read, singing anything because he should have better things to do. He’s the Pope, and although he looks like him, he’s no fucking Elton John. Does this mean he’s also going to be touring??? I certainly hope not.  I’ve already prepared myself mentally for the relase of the CD because there are a shitload of Catholics in the US and it’s ound to reach numer 1 first week. I’ll be planning a trip to Somalia for the week that his CD is released because I can’t bear to be riding down the street with my windows down and possibly have someone pull up next to me playing the Pope’s potential child molester lullaby-like voice.

P.S….check out his face for a sec…he kinda looks like a rat, Splinter is that you?…we kid we kid

Here comes another example of the lengths that crazies will go to for money. Though it doesn’t surprise me because our country was partially built on it, another corruption case has been popped open. The mayors of three New Jersey cities, two state legislators and several rabbis were among more than 40 people arrested today in a sweeping corruption investigation that began as a probe into an international money laundering ring that trafficked in goods as diverse as human organs and fake designer handbags. Among 44 people arrested Thursday were Hoboken Mayor Peter Cammarano III, Secaucus Mayor Dennis Elwell, Jersey City Deputy Mayor Leona Beldini, state Assemblyman President L. Harvey Smith and state Assemblyman Daniel Van Pelt.

With their actions ranging from taking cash bribes and illegal campaign contributions all the way to selling fuckin organs, I feel safe saying that most of those people will be heavily punished ecause not only does this make NJ look like even more of a dirty awful place, but 3 mayor from the state are involved, not just one guy, and these people aren’t just cheating on their wives or getting BJ’s in inappropriate places, or fathering illegitamate children like John Edwards..and there are rabbi criminals…but we can see who they are because theyre curls stick out underneath their ski mask/yamaka  hybrids that Jews where when they commit crimes, allegedly…this is some serious criminal shit and the only way I want any part of NJ is if all these creeps get whats coming to them, which will hopefully be a bar of soap that they’ll spend years unsuccessfully, trying not to drop

I know that people say some smokers are paranoid consporacy theroists but, cloining from mouse skin cells might possibly be alien technology and its a bit too advamced for my mind to fathom and not just because mice always make me think the movie the witches, and that movie creeps the fuck outta me……In the new studies, the Chinese researchers wanted to see whether reprogrammed skin cells really have as much potential as embryonic stem cells. They reasoned that if those reprogrammed skin cells could give rise to baby mice, that would be a favorable sign.

The findings show the potential of skin cells that are reprogrammed to act like embryonic stem cells, note the researchers. Here’s how the scientis performed the cloining:

First, the scientists took skin cells from mouse embryos and reprogrammed those skin cells to act like embryonic stem cells. Those reprogrammed cells are called induced pluripotent stem cells (iPSCs).Separately, the scientists fused two early-stage mouse embryos together, when each embryo only consisted of one or two cells. The resulting embryo couldn’t develop on its own.The researchers then inserted the iPSCs into that embryo and placed it into a surrogate mouse mother.That technique led to the birth of 27 mice for one team of Chinese scientists, which has now had hundreds of baby mice born from that first generation of mice. That shows that the iPSCs were “pluripotent,” or similar in their potential to embryonic stem cells.

That is some crazy jetson type shit but I love it….i think i’ll consider being cryogenically frozen or something, I haven’t yet gotten the chance to be a Somalian pirate for a day and in another lifetime sounds like the perfect time to do it, ut i’m on cloud nine right now so i’ll give it so more consideration at a better time

According to the Dallas Morning news, Police are investigating a multiple shooting reported on the Texas Southern University campus. Currently there is now word on the identities or the conditions of thoss who have been shot. The shooting took place at an event Wednesday night hosted by city council member Peter Brown, who is running for mayor.

KTRK-TV in Houston reports Houston police say four people in all were shot at three different locations within a block, one on campus and two off campus.It’s so bizzaro world to me that things ike this are still happening in the world at a time when what we really all we really need is togetherness, we joke around and talk a lot of shit about people, but it’s all in good fun, …the national ecoonomy is in the shitter, swine flu is rapidly spreading and people still wanna run around shooting innocent people….this is America, I love this country but some of our people need a fuckin wake up call…Our respects go out to the families of the deceased its pretty unfortunate that they had to loose their loved ones in such a tragic way, we can only hope that authorities can find who ever is responsible very soon

A report that has just been released to the public reveals that America’s federal transportation safety agency wanted a total ban on all cell phone use for drivers, including the use of hands-free headsets, because of the risk. One big problem is that the report is from 2002 and has been kept secret, for a reason that is yet unknown. That is some Rush Limbaugh getting crazy amounts of pills from his maid type shit and it makes me pretty pissed. Two public interest groups were able to get ahold of the document as a result of a lawsuit citing the Freedom of Information Act. They chose to realease it Tuesday. Part of the report reads:

“We are convinced that legislation forbidding the use of handheld cell phones while driving may not be effective in improving highway safety since it will not address the problem,” the report states. “In fact, such legislation may erroneously imply that hands-free phones are safe to use while driving.”

Sometimes I forget how corrupt some people in our country can be..and then things like this happen. Though I don’t want to jump to conclusions it could appear as though some major cell phone providers and the Govt. are all greedy fucks that don’t care about lives if large amounts of money are on the line were in cahoots to keep this from the public for fear of monetary loss??? People should realize that it’s not the smartest thing to be wrapped in a conversation while having to focus on controlling your vehicle and also observing the actions of other drivers, not to mention holding the fucking thing and the wheel at the same time…..arghhhh (somalian pirate grunt, it helps release steam).Curretly 87% of the US population owns a celleular device, while back in 2002 only about half of the US had cell phones. The problem has only gotten worse and people shouldn’t lose their lives because of someones deceit or their stupidity.

We all seem to have that one grandmother who loves to go to the casino to play slots, but most of us haven’t been stuck in a car with no air conditioner just so grandma can feed her addictions. A 54 year old Florida woman was sentenced yesterday to 14 months house arrest and 3 years of probation for leaving her 2 year old granddaughter and 14 year old grandson in a car outside a Hallandale Beach casino back in August of 2008 so she can go inside and play the slots. Someone walked by the car and noticed the children just sitting there and told casino security who alerted the authorities. The prosecutor told the South Florida Sun Sentinel that the 54 year old woman had pleaded guilty to charges including felony child abuse and misdemeanor contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

When I was young my grandmother brought me to the casino and dumped me off in the kid area. I would spend countless hours playing video games and from what I remember I had a great time but I always knew if the kids area wasn’t there I might be locked in a car with no air conditioning with one window cracked just enough to breathe. So this story isn’t that crazy to me (or it could be the quality herb I’ve consumed). This blunt goes out to the grandmother sentenced in the hope that next time she gets that thought she’ll spark up and reconsider…well she does have 14 months of house arrest to think about it, but she’ll probably be busy gambling online.

It seems as if there is a bit of competition for my personal favorite flying vehicle, the terrafugia. The Parajet Skycar pictured above is now available for pre-order.

The vehicle is completely street legal and can accelerate to 62mph in just 4.2 seconds, has a top speed of 140mph. In the flying mode, the car takes to the skies from the field in under 200m at a required speed of 37mph and the flight mode can reach speeds of up to 100mph. While I can appreciate the Parajet’s effort it doesn’t stand up to the terrafugia, because you need that creepy parachute to fly. For those of you who would like to make a pre-order a down payment of $16,000 is needed on the vehicle with a sticker price of $81,000.

It seems as though another casualty of an evil and unjust drug war has been taken. Joseph “Jojo” Simmons Jr., 19, plead guilty to a single charge of disorderly conduct stemming from a marijuana related arrest in May. According to police, Simmons was caught being stupid by officers rolling a marijuana joint on May 8 while sitting inside his BMW on New York’s Upper West Side. Police said he attempted to flee in the car, nearly backing into an NYPD cruiser in the process, which led to charges of resisting arrest as well as drug possession, reckless endangerment and criminal use of drug paraphernalia, which were all subsequently dropped. Jojo has been sentenced to one day of community service through is plea deal with prosecutors.

This is pretty shitty news because I am fully against the current marijuana laws that our country has, not only because they are based on racism, but because they are nearly useless. The fact that Jojo could have found a better spot to roll a joint than the always busy upper west side is a given and he should have known that. I’m all for responsible consumption by adults but his actions weren’t too responsible, so if you really must break the law, which i don’t advocate, do it in the least risky way possible and Jojo, get a darker tint on your beemer please because if I have to see your skeleton like uncle Russell lecturing you frequently, I might become ill.

Howard Stern’s hilariously funny, yet outstandingly creepy radio show sidekick, Arti Lange is claiming that he wasn’t simply sloppy fucking drunk when he was pulled over and subsequently arrested on July 10th. Artie is claiming that he was under the influence of the prescription drug Lexapro, which are like candy to Artie is an anti-depressant.

Lange’s 2009 Nissan Sentra rear-ended a Pontiac Grand Am at Silver Bay and Grand Avenues in Toms River, New Jersey at 1:30 pm. Ironically, he was picking up a prescription for his mother. A police detective discovered Lange at the scene of the minor motor vehicle collision at Silver Bay and Brand avenues, reportedly at about 1:30 p.m., said Capt. Steve Henry. Lange should have just had some herb and chilled out rather than pop pills and get arrested….weed is calming and pleasant…light up Artie and stop driving under the influence

Well I guess it looks like another one of our civil liberties as Americans is up for grabs and freedom of speech is its’ name. Judge John “Jack” Delaney of South Dakota recently forbid a Mr. Bob Newland of SD from taking any public role in the campaign to legalize marijuana for medical uses for one year. The restriction was part of the judge’s sentence issued Monday for Newland’s conviction for felony pot possession. Delaney sentenced Newland to a year in jail but suspended all but 45 days, with stipulations including random searches and weekly drug tests and a ban on public advocacy for medical marijuana. Newland could end up serving all or part of the remaining jail time if he violates terms of the sentence.

While the sentence for felony marijuana possession under current laws was seemingly reasonable, how in the fuck does a judge have the right to take away someone’s right to campaign for something that they believe in??? The fact that a judge has the right to inflict his personal views upon a person through sentencing should raise a huge flag for intelligent citizens of the US as to where our country is headed if things like this continue to happen.

Delaney also lectured Newland on the lies that have been created through racism about problems of marijuana use, particularly among youths, and told the outspoken advocate for legalizing marijuana for medicinal use that he was “not going to take a position as a public figure who got a light sentence.” This is seriously crazy shit, but the American Civil Liberties Union of South Dakota is currently looking into the sentence. Also if you like I do, feel the need to contact Judge Delany, he can be reached at jack@judgedelaney.com……I hope you enoyed the creepy cruise ship pic beautiful picture of Delany and his badger faced wife. Since Bob Newland can’t currently campaign in the direction of common sense which is legalization, we must do it for him….Tokes for Newland and his upcoming jail time.