My Daily Toke

Archive for the ‘For Real?’ Category

Alright so Jon Gosselin has had a pretty good life so far, he had a family, a hit show, and two twenty something year old girlfriends. While the divorce has been announced, Jon’s life isn’t getting any more difficult. During Jon and Kate Plus 8 we saw what Jon Gosselin’s wardrobe consisted of jeans and a shit load of Christian Audigier shirts. Well we’re not the only ones who’ve noticed, Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier had also taken notice and as a thanks for promoting his line Christian offered Jon a job designing children’s clothing. Jon and 22 year old Hailey Glassman (daughter of Kate’s plastic surgeon) were in France this weekend on Christian Audigier’s yacht talking business.

All I know is Kate Gosselin should feel like an adopted child right now watching her soon to be ex-husband get to design clothes when her own clothing line got trashed (along with her cook book). This blunt goes out to Jon who is making the most of his situation and milking the cow for what it’s worth.

UPDATE: John Gosselin is officially still a complete loser not working with Christian Audigier on a clothing line. It was a silly rumor that no one really believed to begin with, because just having 8 kids and being able to impregnate grumpy bitches a famehungry woman doesn’t qualify you to design clothes for los ninos.

Reindeer are dying everywhere because the holy plant a huge amount of growing weed was recently in danger. According to the LA times the LAPD discovered an estimated $1 million in marijuana at a downtown commercial building that caught fire last week. Firefighters knocked down the structure fire that engulfed a one-story commercial building, but inside they found 1,000 pot plants as well as what appeared to be a plant-growing operation. Well no word has been given on what caused the fire, but I know it’s pretty safe to say that someone losta giant stash and it makes the world a less happy place. Don’t start pot fires folks.

P.S….the pic obviously isn’t of the fire, but it is a picture of an Asian ritual taking place near a bums’ dwelling at a storefront. You know we like asian fire crotches fires and that’s why we love Lindsay Lohan…follow me for a sec, If somehow Lindsay Lohan could be made asian by penetration: paging Geroge Takei she would be an asian firecrotch even more crazy special than she is now.

Hoes are apparently still fucking stupid taking meth in a big way….

Former U.S. figure skating champion Nicole Bobek has been charged with conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine in Hudson County, New Jersey. Bobek who hasn’t won a title since 1995 was arrested in Jupiter, FL last week and brought to New Jersey to faces charges for conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine. Nicole pleaded not guilty and is currently muff diving because no one will get her out waiting on $200,000 bail.

We don’t condone taking part in meth rings, because that shit is stupid and weed is better but there’s no doubt in my head that this crazy chick was hard up for cash when she decided to get involved. I just wish she would think about what she’s doing before she ends up looking like Stephanie Pratt.  The prosecutor handling the case said Bobek, “played a significant role in this operation. She was actively involved in the upper echelon of this ring.” If found guilty, Nicole could get up to 10 years in the slammer and a much needed fuckin detox from her life of meth rings..you know maybe she thought that she had to go through a meth ring to return to the skating ring???? NAH, im not even going to give her that “i’m a dumb shit excuse”, cause she might use it.

I’ll also take this time to throw a warning to all the potential “Nicole Bobeks” that we have out there……when you’re hurting for dough don’t get involved in hardcore drug rings, smoke a lot of weed and collect unemployment suck that shit up and get a job at Mcdonalds.

Alright so Lindsay Lohan has been in and out of the news for a number of dumb shit lesbian encounters with Samantha Ronson recently but US Weekly is reporting that the actress who’s been in such movies as “I Know Who Killed Me” had the audacity to turn down the part of Jade the stripper in the box office blockbuster “The Hangover”. Though all we see Lohan doing lately is participating in an on again off again lesbian relationship with Samantha, all we hear from her publicist is that she’s a workaholic and wants to be a huge actress. Well someone might want to tell her that her film choices, just like her relationships, blow. She believed the screenplay had no potential, $268 million worldwide later, she should probably never speak again. Here’s a passage from the US Weekly article;

Lindsay Lohan passed up a chance at a career comeback. The hard-partying starlet turned down a role in the summer blockbuster “The Hangover,” according to Us Weekly, because she said the screenplay “had no potential.” Todd Phillips, who directed the comedy, offered Lohan the role of Jade, a stripper played by Heather Graham. One source told the magazine Lohan’s agent “tried hard to get Phillips to consider her,” but “Lindsay said she didn’t like the script.” Lohan’s rep didn’t return e-mails.

Though we don’t particularly care about Heather Graham, we’re happy she had the sense to take the role and to her credit, acted rather well in the movie. Sorry Lindsay you missed the chance to actually be remembered as something other than an alcoholic lesbian party girl with an even bigger alcoholic party girl as a mother (mmmhmm we see you Dina). This blunt’s for you because when you hear how much the movie made it should make you nauseous and herb can help with that.

Also anyone who hasn’t seen “The Hangover” yet please go and see it, it’s definatley worth the price of a ticket but for a heightened comedy experience make sure you have some herbal refreshment as well.

Don’t re-adjust your eyes people, (it’s possible, ask Gary Busey) California is right before our eyes, transforming into more of an Amsterdam-like place, where marijuana can be bought online by everyone those in the state with medical marijuana prescriptions. Artists Collective, a non-profit medical marijuana delivery service is now advertising their amazing weed products to customers via twitter. They carry all of the things any conventional medical marijuana dispensary would have (edibles, cannabis, pre-rolled blunts and joints) and they fucking deliver. Someone please explain why I don’t live in California right now???…..If I could really not have to play telephone super tag to obtain some herbal refreshment life would be a bit simpler….think pre-”pilled out” Paula Abdul simple…yes like 90’s Clinton administration simple. Ok, back to the greatness that is delivery of weed directly to your front door. I almost forgot one of the best parts though…..there’s no delivery charge! The service, which can either be contacted by telephone or through their web site, does free deliveries, but still charges for the drugs. They even have an incentive program for members of the collective, offering free grams of marijuana and samples. Since President Obama vowed to eliminate DEA raids on medical marijuana distributors, I don’t see Artists Collective having a problem with their creative venture. Good luck and keep tokin fuckers.

p>

Nope, little miss Sarah Palin hasn’t made another stunningly foolish insightful and inspiring press conference about her premature departure from office as governor of Alaska. This disgusting display of famewhore desire that goes beyond that of our most villianized duo, Speidi, gem  of a video comes to us via NY republican congressman Pete King. In the video made a few days ago,Pete King says that we as a country should look beyond the greatness that was Michael Jackson, labeling him as a pervert and pedophile, two things that we know Michael was not. He believes that we should be glorifying our veterans and teachers and police officers instead of spending time celebrating the life of a supremely influential artist.

Well Pete is entitled to his opinion, but his views simply contradict themselves. How on one hand do you say that you would like to celebrate the actions of certain groups of people while simultaneously trying to “shit on” the legacy of another person. I’m not so sure what school of thought Pete’s thinking has been created from, but “fucking retard dip-shit lowlife hungry hippo” might be it. In the great sense of extreme boredom and self-loathing exploration I actually visited Pete King’s site and I was sadly greeted with more ignorance. So if you feel like a need to be amongst the unintelligent and cruel make a stop there and also you can call and say hello to Pete, maybe tell him that he should be more focused on government and his constituents rather than searching for fame, because one pit bull in lipstick is enough.

Pete is a very sad important individual and can be reached at 516-541-4225….or….202-225-7896…..or 631-541-4225

There’s a serial killer on the loose in South Carolina and he’s already killed 5 people within the past week.  If that isn’t crazy enough, all of the killings have taken place within 10 miles of each other in Cherokee county, SC.

With only 54,000 people living in the area, many residents are doing what they should do taking arms themselves in the event that they cross paths with the “40 something” year old killer, who is said to be about 200lbs. Hs is also crazy as cat shit. First off murder is completely wrong and he looks like he wants to score some meth. Yes, I know I’m making abrupt conclusions from his sketch, but he did murder 5 people, so being a bum-ass junkie is the least of his problems now. I just hope that they find this sick fuck before he strikes again, but until then residents of Cherokee county…arm yourselves and enjoy a bit of special green stuff because we know you’re all on edge.

We’re not gonna make definite decisions on what we think the figure that passes through the doorway is, but something is definitely there and we know that had Larry King seen it he would’ve died! Just kidding…everyone knows that vampires Larry King can’t die.

Since im a huge Michael Jackson fan, I’ve seen the video maybe 60 times…yes fuckers, I’m  a paranormal specialist very busy doing things, but Michael is important, and if he’s really trying to reach us already then I’m gonna be on this shit before Nancy Grace’s fat cheeks inquisitive face makes a comment on the video. At around the 0:20 mark of the video you can clearly notice a shadowy figure walk east to west across a hallway. At first I thought well maybe its someone in another part of the house or a shadow from outside, but after about replay number 15 I noticed that the shadow is also on the floor on the home and moves perfectly with the possible apparition.

FYI- If you watch the video after enjoying some “herbal refreshment,” be prepared for an influx of conspiracy theories about the video to rapidly enter your brain….jam on!

What do you guys think the figure in the video is???

OH HELL TO THE NO!!!…. I feel like Whitney after Bobby has asked to go get crack rocks milk at 3 AM because I really can’t believe one of my favorite creative minds right now, Lady Gaga. Her sharpie drawn in eyebrows are painful to look at.  It’s somewhat of a travesty because Lady Gaga was quickly becoming a fashion icon. It could simply be a fluke though, but just so that it doesn’t happen again, YOUR EYEBROWS ARE AN INTEGRAL PART OF YOUR FACE and should not be drawn on as though you are Shauna Sands!

I purposely chose a full shot to spare your eyes from a zoomed in glimpse of cholita heaven, but when if it happens again we’ll use a close-up. I just smoked so hopefully it doesnt happen too soon because the vomit that I supressed earlier might escape my body.

Image via Wenn

This isn’t a joke and actually I’m not so suprised. The FDA is warning consumers not to buy two types of energy drinks that come packaged in test tube like vials, saying that utility knife blades were found in two vials.

Hardcore Energize Bullet Drink & New Whey liquid products are the culprits and both have been recalled. HMMM… Hardcore Energize Bullet Drink??? I’m not trying to say it was necessary that this happened, but with a fucking name like that maybe someone thought that a blade would add to the brands believability???….Finding a utility knife blade in my drink would be pretty damn hardcore and would certainly scare the shit out of me energize me, but whatever the case is, I don’t fuck with energy drinks anyhow. They make some people look like robots on crack and I deal with my fair share of crack addicted robots already, so I’m good.

No one has been injured by the armed energy drink (gimme one bad joke people) but the FDA is warning consumers to not purchase them….and I’m telling you to not fuck with energy drinks and have an all natural weed refreshment….maybe something of the herbal family because you probably won’t find a blade just hanging out in your stash.