My Daily Toke

Archive for the ‘We just don’t get it’ Category

There’s a serial killer on the loose in South Carolina and he’s already killed 5 people within the past week.  If that isn’t crazy enough, all of the killings have taken place within 10 miles of each other in Cherokee county, SC.

With only 54,000 people living in the area, many residents are doing what they should do taking arms themselves in the event that they cross paths with the “40 something” year old killer, who is said to be about 200lbs. Hs is also crazy as cat shit. First off murder is completely wrong and he looks like he wants to score some meth. Yes, I know I’m making abrupt conclusions from his sketch, but he did murder 5 people, so being a bum-ass junkie is the least of his problems now. I just hope that they find this sick fuck before he strikes again, but until then residents of Cherokee county…arm yourselves and enjoy a bit of special green stuff because we know you’re all on edge.

June 19th was the 144 year anniversary if the abolishment of slavery. And just 5 days ago the US senate has decided to make a formal apology. In what was a unanimous vote in the senate, it will surely pass in the house  and after that Democrat Tom Harkins says there will be a “formal celebration” sometime next month.

While I commend the Us government for taking a step in the right direction, i’m not sure its the correct first step. Slavery in America’s past has contributed to many african american’s warped self-image,cruel sterotypes, and has presented numerous other obstacles for the average african american citizen. Slavery has also I believe given african americans a dose of reality and hopefully many people can realize that racism is still very alive in the US with events like this still taking place its a surprise an apology has even been given. I really think that to begin to heal the wounds of those affected they must seek therapy and work through their left over pain and an apology just wont do it.

You know, it’s been a while since the sex tape gods had blessed us with a gift from above. There were Rhianna’s nude pics and then Cassie (both obviously NSFW) ,  but people probably don’t even remember Cassie sharing her vajayjay and nips with the world cause she’s lame, haha

When I head rumblings via TMZ that Leighton was soon going to be the the next star of  ”the greatest personal gift that celebrities can give the world”, AKA her own fucking sex tape, i thought nah, not the gossip girl one that was born in prison…prison babies know better than that, j/k, that wasnt her fault..but my grandmda watches TMZ with a sweet tea like its her fucking job, and she believes everything they say, so I probably should’ve jumped on the bandwagon a while ago. the tape was apparently made a couple years ago with an ex-boyfriend

But for serious Leighton, FOOT JOBS…are we in middle school???  just kidding foot jobs are for adults and 23 yrear old  future sex tape stars named Leighton. Nobody i know gives foot jobs and if they did….they for damn sure wouldnt be videotaping it…it’s ok Leighthon, give Barbara Walters the exclusive first interview and you’ll be just fine, but until then stop giving people foot jobs please, unless its me…..link to the creepy pics below, but if you just want to see the soon to be famous feet, check the pic at the top for a teaser

Leighton’s sexy foot job pics mmmm….hahah, last joke really

Venezuela quarantined a Spanish cruise ship on Wednesday after three crew members were diagnosed with the H1N1 flu virus and Barbados and Grenada refused to allow its passengers to disembark. The quarantined cruise ship, The Ocean Dream, is owned by Royal Caribbean and its being said that passengers will not be allowed to disembark the ship for an entire week. While I realize that may not sound like very long on a ruise ship, with some cruises lasting up to 14 days, but remember that a crusie ship is about exploration and no doubt these quarantined cruisers will want to at least explore the ship since they cannot leave it. With 3 comfirmed cases already there is also no doubt in my mind that there are other crew members infected because the crews on ships work in extremely close quarters.

Royal Caribbean has not relased an offical statement as of yet and we wonder how the fuck they’ll manage to do damage control with this because the swine flu is quickly owning up to its name as a pandemic, especially in Spain, a country that I myself have plans to visit very soon?

Fox news is on the rampage once again…

Spreading biased opinions and conservative propaganda is not their only specialty. It seems as though Fox news has mastered the art of boldface lying. In an article currently featured on their site, they claim that researchers at the University of Leicester in England have “convincing evidence” (how the fuck do you measure convincing evidence or produce it for that matter) that marijuana smoke damages DNA in ways that could potentially increase the risk of cancer. That’s funny because marijuana has never been directly related to any instances of cancer in any medical studies or records , because had that been true, your televisions would be flooded with ads very similar to those against tobacco. (which indeed does lead to cancer)

It’s apparent that Harry Anslinger has come back from the dead and is now doing stories for Fox News because this is nothing more than an extension of reefer madness and it’s ingorant stereotypical views.

The scientists claim that a “new method” has allowed them to discover that cannabis smoke damages DNA. Well let’s see….”convincing evidence” is nothing more than a nice way of saying “maybe” and since they don’t go into detail or even give a “lamens term” explanation about what the “new method” is that they used to come to these conclusions, i’m gonna go ahead and draw an intelligent conclusion…BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT…check out “the hidden truth” or Norml for the truth on marijuana

For those who don’t know who Dante Stallworth is here’s the rundown: Stallworth is a 28 year old NFL wide receiver currently playing for The Cleveland Browns. As if that couldn’t be bad enough, on March 14th 2009 in Florida while driving his black 2005 Bentley he accidentally killed a man while under the influence of alcohol. Stallworth plead guilty in court to a DUI manslaughter charge which carried a possible 15 year prison sentence. Due to a plea deal Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days in prison, which starts today, 8 years probation, 1000 hours of community service, a lifetime driver’s license suspension, and 2 years house arrest, with the exception of his duties to the NFL. Stallworth’s blood alcohol level on the night of the incident was .126 which is greatly higher then Florida’s limit of .08.

This is an unfortunate thing to happen but I can’t hate Dante Stallworth. Once the police arrived at the accident Stallworth cooperated fully and admitted everything. Many people questioned his sentence compared to fellow NFL player/ inmate Michael Vick’s sentence but we have to remember something, Dante Stallworth made a giant mistake but he was a honest about it. Michael Vick purposely abused and killed dogs all the while lying to the publics’ faces and playing innocent.  Stallworth stood up and accepted the consequences for his actions and for that this blunts for you Dante….drinking and driving really isn’t the smartest idea, when you have more than enough money to hire a driver but everyone makes their own choices and we don’t judge

Two unaccompanied girls were placed on wrong Continental Express flights over the weekend. An 8-year-old College Station girl incorrectly ended up in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and a 10-year-old Massachusetts girl was mistakenly sent to Newark, N.J., after boarding planes operated by ExpressJet, which is under contract with Continental.

Continental Airlines has released a statement simply stating that the mix-up was a “miscommunication among staff.” On Sunday, Jonathan Kamens said he put his daughter, Miriam, on a Cleveland-bound flight at Logan Airport in Boston to visit her grandparents. He told WBZ-TV that shortly after the plane landed in Ohio, his father-in-law called saying she had not arrived. Kamens said for 45 minutes no one could tell him where his daughter was. She was finally located unharmed in Newark and in the end all Continental has offered him for compensation is $75 bucks.

For fucking serious Continental??? 75 dollars wont even buy that same flight to cleveland. I would probably want 5 free round trip flights to anywhere and i’d probably use them all flying to the motherland, Amsterdam. Spend a day in Amnesia and then profess my love to a lady of the night in the red light district, but i don’t like doing the same things twice while on vacation so who knows…

Fresh off their humiliation “participation” with the addictive show “I’m a Celebrity Get me out of Here”, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag made it their personal business to milk their disastrous time on the show for all the press they could and then some. (I’m pretty sure Palin is on a conference call with Speidi right now, seeking advice on how to be a known joke and still gain public noteriety, shes probably closer to that than I realize, but whatevs)

If you’re unfamiliar with the show, “Im a celebrity Get me out of Here” puts washed up gently used celebrities into a Costa Rican jungle and has them duel it out in jungle creature and arachnid laden challenges, which have included eating stick bugs and dead tarantulas.

Spencer and Heidi proceeded to visit at least 7 shows yesterday (just the amount that I literally saw them on) to torture give their side of their experiences in the jungle and so that Heidi can show that her skull doesnt really have holes that have allowed her brains to ooze out leaving simply a shelter for air, by continually spraying her dry shampoo which no one really seems to care about onto her finely manicured hair. In the clip from their appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Spencer proceeds to shoot backhanded comments at Al Roker who was one of the first to make Heidi cry interview the duo since their return from the jungle. We can really appreciate Speidi’s famwhore like attributes, but they were really only on the fucking show for like 4 episodes…..WHERE WAS THE LOVE FOR FRANGELA?….they were pretty funny in their confessional moments…and i wish they were there to translate some of Janice Dickinson’s words form last night episode.

With all that said we like Speidi. Yes, but mostly because Spencer smokes weed. Anyone who can appreciate the herb has to at least be respected by us.

p.s.- The Roots were playing Beck’s “Loser” while Speidi made their exit ….coincidence I THINK NOT…i literally almost fell from my bed or maybe it was because i was a bit lifted..who knows

All consumers might want to stop using Zicam Nasal Gel and related products because according to the FDA it can be potentially very harmful to your sense of smell. By potentially very harmful we mean they think it can permanently fuck with with your sense of smell. The over-the-counter products contain zinc, an ingredient scientists say may damage nerves in the nose needed for smell.

The FDA is actually claiming that about 130 people have come forward reporting a loss of smell after using Matrixx Initiatives’ Zicam products since 1999. What the fuck Matrixx….are people letting Keanu Reeves manufacture nasal gel theses days, we know his career is hurting because of shit like lake house doing great and all but everyone has side jobs these days???

“Loss of the sense of smell is potentially life threatening and may be permanent,” said Dr. Charles Lee, of FDA’s compliance division. “People without the sense of smell may not be able to detect dangerous life situations, such as gas leaks or something burning in the house.”

Apparently Matrixx, the people who make Zicam have settled hundreds of lawsuits related to the use of its products in recent years but after looking on their site today they are still clearly telling consumers otherwise because this was posted on their site “No plaintiff has ever won a court case, because there is no known causal link between the use of Zicam Cold Remedy nasal gel and impairment of smell.” OK sure no one has actually “won a case” because you settle before they make it to trial…..Keanu Reeves is apparently making their statements as well because only Keanu would be puzzled by the task of thinking of a better way to form that lie….

This is really the reason that I dont fuck with any type of chemicals people!!! Our bodies are not made for crazy ass nasal gels…pack a bowl, toke away and your nose wont fucking run anymore…THE END

Heres our favorite sober girl in her favorite state of undress….we wonder why Lindsay would be taking these pics of herself, but anywho we kinda wish her hair would move a bit or someone would’ve  dangled a baggie of blow bible behind her so that she would turn her head revealing her  nice tittays…we can’t always get what we want so we’ll probably just go smoke some special green stuff while pretending to be a pirate and be happy that she’s not munching walking on Samantha Ronsons carpet at the moment….we really like la loca lohan though, shes a fucking decent actress, we just think that crazy faced Dina jaded her at a young age

Why do you guys think Lindsay is taking this picture and give us a caption……..