My Daily Toke

Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

This shit is not a joke…I repeat, not a joke….The fucking Pope is recording a CD. Also, Rush Limbaugh has just lost 600 lbs and stopped abusing prescription drugs, just kidding that will never happen, but unfortunately there will come a day when the Pope’s first single ecomes Itunes free song of the week, because no one will want to hear that shit. Pope Benedict has signed with major record label Geffen to cut an album of songs and prayers to the Virgin Mary. The pope will be accompanied by a choir recorded in Rome. The album will also feature classical music by an international group of composers of various faiths, to be performed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra at London’s Abbey Road studios, most famous for its association with the Beatles.

Ummm since when did the Vatican think it was a good idea to authorize this. The Vatican always makes an immediate jump to damn to hell anyone who portrays the Catholic church in a negative way, well except for their priests who touch children, they just get relocated. I can do without this old creepy white haired man, who is said to have the voice of a lullaby being read, singing anything because he should have better things to do. He’s the Pope, and although he looks like him, he’s no fucking Elton John. Does this mean he’s also going to be touring??? I certainly hope not.  I’ve already prepared myself mentally for the relase of the CD because there are a shitload of Catholics in the US and it’s ound to reach numer 1 first week. I’ll be planning a trip to Somalia for the week that his CD is released because I can’t bear to be riding down the street with my windows down and possibly have someone pull up next to me playing the Pope’s potential child molester lullaby-like voice.

P.S….check out his face for a sec…he kinda looks like a rat, Splinter is that you?…we kid we kid

WTF is Lindsay Lohan doing back in Colorado? is the first though that popped in my head when I heard this….and then I realized that she’s been in LA chasing a boyish looking lesbian for quite sometime, so the story of a lifetime isn’t here yet. A grand jury indicted a surgery technician infected with hepatitis C on several charges Thursday, alleging she stole syringes with painkillers and replaced them with needles she had used. Prosecutors allege that at least 19 people contracted the disease as a result.

26 year old Kristine Diane Parker is responsible for directly infecting the 19 people through the shared use of her dirty needles. Officials say up to 6,000 patients at Denver’s Rose Medical Center and Audubon Surgery Center in Colorado Springs where Parker worked may have been exposed to the disease. Calls to spokesmen at both hospitals were not immediately returned. Parker also worked at hospitals in Mount Kisco, N.Y., and Houston. Health officials in those states have launched investigations. In a recent interview with police Parker has said that she didn’yt have health insurance to treat her nasty std disease and she was also unclear abot her diagnosis. State Health officials say that they are working with the CDC to trace the disease, but we think they should have Paris Hilton on the ob, becase her body seeks out and welcomes stds, almost like her snatch acts as a rest-stop for hep c, the herp, and the like…

This is really crazy that this surgery tech who works in close quarters with the ill, thinks she can fuck around and give possibly 6000 people her scheevy diseases…Lock her upand scrub her down please..barf..and that mugshot, she kinda looks like a young Dina Lohan

According to the Dallas Morning news, Police are investigating a multiple shooting reported on the Texas Southern University campus. Currently there is now word on the identities or the conditions of thoss who have been shot. The shooting took place at an event Wednesday night hosted by city council member Peter Brown, who is running for mayor.

KTRK-TV in Houston reports Houston police say four people in all were shot at three different locations within a block, one on campus and two off campus.It’s so bizzaro world to me that things ike this are still happening in the world at a time when what we really all we really need is togetherness, we joke around and talk a lot of shit about people, but it’s all in good fun, …the national ecoonomy is in the shitter, swine flu is rapidly spreading and people still wanna run around shooting innocent people….this is America, I love this country but some of our people need a fuckin wake up call…Our respects go out to the families of the deceased its pretty unfortunate that they had to loose their loved ones in such a tragic way, we can only hope that authorities can find who ever is responsible very soon

We all seem to have that one grandmother who loves to go to the casino to play slots, but most of us haven’t been stuck in a car with no air conditioner just so grandma can feed her addictions. A 54 year old Florida woman was sentenced yesterday to 14 months house arrest and 3 years of probation for leaving her 2 year old granddaughter and 14 year old grandson in a car outside a Hallandale Beach casino back in August of 2008 so she can go inside and play the slots. Someone walked by the car and noticed the children just sitting there and told casino security who alerted the authorities. The prosecutor told the South Florida Sun Sentinel that the 54 year old woman had pleaded guilty to charges including felony child abuse and misdemeanor contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

When I was young my grandmother brought me to the casino and dumped me off in the kid area. I would spend countless hours playing video games and from what I remember I had a great time but I always knew if the kids area wasn’t there I might be locked in a car with no air conditioning with one window cracked just enough to breathe. So this story isn’t that crazy to me (or it could be the quality herb I’ve consumed). This blunt goes out to the grandmother sentenced in the hope that next time she gets that thought she’ll spark up and reconsider…well she does have 14 months of house arrest to think about it, but she’ll probably be busy gambling online.

Well the shit has certainly hit the fan…In what is beginning to feel like a movie being drawn out before the world there’s new news related to the King of Pop’s death. Early this morning DEA agents were in Houston, TX  to serve Murray with a search warrant for his medical office in the city. Among the items that were seized were a digital image of the doctor’s hard drive and 21 files from the computer itself.

“We reviewed the warrant and remained on the premises while the search was being executed,” says Murray’s lawyer Ed Chernoff in a statement. “The search warrant authorized law enforcement to search for and seize items, including documents, they believed constituted evidence of the offense of manslaughter.”

This is soooo bananas. I want to believe that MJ just died from taking a medication that he shouldn’t have, since we know that diprovan was found in his home and that he was the person who made the choices to put certain things in his body. To think that his death could be manslaughter that is voluntary is something that I just don’t want to think about now. Dr. Murray is one shady fuckin character and we don’t like him or Rupert Everett for talking crazy about MJ  just for publicity. Yes Rupert, a few more people will know your name now, but they still wont pay 10 bucks to see any of the shitty films that you’re in.

p.s……Rupert, nice work that you had done on your face…..NOT

Apparently i’ve been living under a rock becuase I had absolutely no clue that a vaccine was even being made, let alone that it had entered a trial on humans. On monday South Arica launched a trial of an AIDS vaccine that was developed by its own researchers. The South African vaccine was developed at the University of Cape Town and targets the specific HIV strain that has affected a huge part of the population in South Africa. It is also undergoing safety tests at a trial involving 12 volunteers in Boston that began earlier this year.

Though this advance does seem extraordinary to me, i’ve ust learned that it isn’t the first time that a vaccine has made its way through South Africa. South Africa was the site of the biggest setback to AIDS vaccine research, when the most promising vaccine ever, produced by Merck & Co., was tested there in 2007. Researchers found that people who got the vaccine were more likely to contract HIV than those who did not. That news is quite bizzare and also ecuse that persons crazy finger nail below the vial, I guess they were searching for old corn earlier..yuck

Apparently her prescription salary demands were too crazy for FOX to handle because it doesn’t look like the straight-up singer will be sharing her medicated joy with America next season. Paula “I like pills” Abdul’s manager, David Sonenberg released a brief statement yesterday saying that, “it does not appear that Paula’s going to be back on Idol” next season because the singer and walking zombie judge hadn’t yet received a new contract from FremantleMedia and 19 Entertainment, the production companies behind the show. Sonenberg who has only been representing Abdul since June expressed his frustration adding

“I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful. I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do.”

This is pretty sad because although I dont watch AI religiously anymore I still take comfort in knowing that I can turn on my tv and see Paula’s special way of getting her points across which i’ve aptly named her “crazy jumbled pill speak gibberish.” If this was the show’s plan all along to just ditch Paula as the price of prescriptions rise thats awful dirty. 19 Entertainment has something else coming to them though if they think that Paula’s “prescription pals”  are gonna take this one lying down with a sliced straw and some hard sniffing as usual. I can almost see it now, the “re-hire Paula campaign” to be sponsored by Abbott Pharm, the makers of Vicodin. OK, we dont really think that they are gonna let thier best trainwreck ratings draw leave the show. I kind of have the feeling that this will all be settled before filming for what seems like the 100th season of American Idol begins on August 6th. Don’t pop pills for fun, they can kill you people…embrace the burning trees and breathe in please… aka smoke some weed

Apparently when someone dies others receive magical singing and songwriting talents that they’ve never had before. Well that’s not true so La Toya’s new song dedicated to her recently deceased brother, the king of pop, is still bound to be mediocre at best. I guess if she isn’t out getting paid for interviews any longer she needed a way to capitalize on her brother’s death and what better way than to make noise and call it a song.  The name of the song is “home” and it will be released via Itunes on July 28th. La Toya had originally recorded the song back in 2002 for her dollar tree CD Startin’ Over album.

According to La Toya all 10 dollars that will be made proceeds from the single will go to AIDS Project LA, a charity that Michael had previously supported. Since she is actually doing it for what seems like a good cause we might buy it, mostly for the creepy sexy cover art we know she will have for the single. The song has hit youtbe and i’ve posted it above, listen with earplugs in like I did and it will be a bit less painful, you’ve been warned.

Thankfully these animals have been saved from being breaded and deep fried, well for now at least, because South Korea has just added cloned dogs to their drug sniffing task force. South Korea has put cloned dogs at customs and security checkpoints throughout their major airport. Six genetic duplicates of a single Labrador retriever have been working at the country’s main Incheon international airport and three other customs checkpoints to deter drug smuggling after completing 16 months of training, the Korea Customs Service said in a statement Sunday.

This is pretty technologically advanced, but then again they are asians…I love asians for everything they’ve provided us with over the years..Playstation, the Furby, bird flu, and Tila Tequila as well as a myriad of other great things.I just wonder if since these creepy dogs have been cloned specifically for this job if they have any super-dog powers??? Maybe they are all secret ninja dogs that fight crime outside of the airport as well…or maybe i’m just really high and my mind is wandering, either way these cloned drug sniffing dogs are simply a sign of the times and a reminder that you cannot smuggle weed in your pants through South Korea

Indonesia’s national police are now saying that two suicide bombers are responsible for the attacks on the hotels in Indonesia that took place just yesterday. The police have also noted that they are currently looking for other suspects related to the incidents. The death toll which just yesterday had only been believed to be about 5 dead now include 8 fatalities, as well as 50 people who have been injured from the explosions. In all there are 18 foreigners that have been injured.

This is incredibly unfortunate, because human life is an amazing thing, but who the fuck really travels to Indonesia like it’s a safe place is really responsible for this? As of yestrday, President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono had noted that a “terrorist group” was responsible and now we know that it was suicide bomers, but from what radical cracked-out terrorist organization where…there are quite a few terrorist groups around and as we’ve seen before it’s probably only a matter of time before some crazy claims respnsibility for this, but until then stay the hell out of Indonesia, yes I know I’m not affiliated with a travel board,but I have an insurmountable amount of common sense and my brain is telling me to smoke weed and fuck crazy shit.