My Daily Toke

Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

Howard Stern’s hilariously funny, yet outstandingly creepy radio show sidekick, Arti Lange is claiming that he wasn’t simply sloppy fucking drunk when he was pulled over and subsequently arrested on July 10th. Artie is claiming that he was under the influence of the prescription drug Lexapro, which are like candy to Artie is an anti-depressant.

Lange’s 2009 Nissan Sentra rear-ended a Pontiac Grand Am at Silver Bay and Grand Avenues in Toms River, New Jersey at 1:30 pm. Ironically, he was picking up a prescription for his mother. A police detective discovered Lange at the scene of the minor motor vehicle collision at Silver Bay and Brand avenues, reportedly at about 1:30 p.m., said Capt. Steve Henry. Lange should have just had some herb and chilled out rather than pop pills and get arrested….weed is calming and pleasant…light up Artie and stop driving under the influence

We were high and looking for funny shit to look at aimlessly searching the web the other day and ran across this gem of a photo from one of the most desperate for work greatest actors of our time. With films like Ghost Rider and Knowing previously under his belt Nicolas will take any role is poised to become the white Samuel L Jackson, just a lot less talented.  We also wanted to take the time and call for crazy faced Cage to take more pride in his work.We really enjoyed National Treasure 1 and controlled out vomit sat patiently through the second installment, which was only soooo painful because it was the exact same premise, with less humor. While I know a recurring theme of shittyness “less” is sure to follow Cage around, we want him to know that you can still look like a caged animal with fucked up teeth Larry King’s illegitimate child and be successfull. Tokes for the creepers, Nick Cage included.

Does Nicolas look better when he was Larry King’s illegitmate child or presently as Clay Aiken’s father???

While we’re on the subject of jeff conaway’s adopted daughter Lindsay, I thought I’d let you guys know that she is planning to start her own production company. She is reportedly teaming up with shitty business partner Kristi Kaylor, hopefully Kaylor will be different than the partner who was behind her stolen spray tan line, for which she is currently being sued. The pair are planning to create TV and movie projects that no one will watch in which Lohan can star in and do her best Tara Reid impression have already set the wheels in motion for two projects.

Lohan also plans to make the “female fashionista’s” answer to hit HBO series Entourage called Faux Real and a game show tentatively called That’s What Friends Are For, which will partner with charitable organizations. I don’t really mind what kind of fancy names you give these shows, but they can both be easily defined as… garbage. Can someone get Seacrest on the line please…Lindsay needs a second opportunity to star in Living Lohan because straight to DVD movies like Labor Pains just aren’t cutting it.  Lindsay, I want you to do well, really, so when your movie is released i’m going to get sky high and force myself to watch you new flick and everyone else should do the same.

Gov. John Lynch vetoed legislation Friday that would have made New Hampshire the 14th state to legalize marijuana use by severely ill people. Lynch has said that his main concerns were his political career how  marijuana was being cultivated and the way it was to be distributed.

go here to check out the bill

In the veto message Lunch noted:

“I understand and empathize with the advocates for allowing medical marijuana use in New Hampshire. However, the fact remains that marijuana use for any purpose remains illegal under federal law.”

We don’t buy anything that Lynch has tried to sell us on this….Politics shouldnt be about deceptive dilemmas and flat out bullshit….To voice your support of this bill and similar legislation, contact Governor John Lynch at (603)271-2121

oh and please excuse the crazy eyes in the picture….I know he would have apologized for letting you see him in his natural state.

One thing we can all be sure of is that somewhere in the world, Kristina Chen is humping someones leg thanking the musical gods for this vomit inducing joyus news. Brian Latrell (who??) revealed on his twitter that the forgotten boy band, The Backstreet Boys will  release their new single later this month titled, Soldier Down, also adding that their new CD will be released on October 6th of this year. Needless to say we’re not at all excited about their new garbage music, but we know people really like them??? So I’ll be taking some tokes for the BSB and for the musical taste of their fans.

hey doesn’t Nick Carter kinda look like a blonde Criss Angel on crack in this picture? he’s got that creepy look on his face and he’s standing with his hands crossed like he’s trying to make himself levitate or something..ermmmm weirdo….***let it be known he has lost a substantial amount of weight recently***…just sayin’

Hoes are apparently still fucking stupid taking meth in a big way….

Former U.S. figure skating champion Nicole Bobek has been charged with conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine in Hudson County, New Jersey. Bobek who hasn’t won a title since 1995 was arrested in Jupiter, FL last week and brought to New Jersey to faces charges for conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine. Nicole pleaded not guilty and is currently muff diving because no one will get her out waiting on $200,000 bail.

We don’t condone taking part in meth rings, because that shit is stupid and weed is better but there’s no doubt in my head that this crazy chick was hard up for cash when she decided to get involved. I just wish she would think about what she’s doing before she ends up looking like Stephanie Pratt.  The prosecutor handling the case said Bobek, “played a significant role in this operation. She was actively involved in the upper echelon of this ring.” If found guilty, Nicole could get up to 10 years in the slammer and a much needed fuckin detox from her life of meth rings..you know maybe she thought that she had to go through a meth ring to return to the skating ring???? NAH, im not even going to give her that “i’m a dumb shit excuse”, cause she might use it.

I’ll also take this time to throw a warning to all the potential “Nicole Bobeks” that we have out there……when you’re hurting for dough don’t get involved in hardcore drug rings, smoke a lot of weed and collect unemployment suck that shit up and get a job at Mcdonalds.

Alright so Lindsay Lohan has been in and out of the news for a number of dumb shit lesbian encounters with Samantha Ronson recently but US Weekly is reporting that the actress who’s been in such movies as “I Know Who Killed Me” had the audacity to turn down the part of Jade the stripper in the box office blockbuster “The Hangover”. Though all we see Lohan doing lately is participating in an on again off again lesbian relationship with Samantha, all we hear from her publicist is that she’s a workaholic and wants to be a huge actress. Well someone might want to tell her that her film choices, just like her relationships, blow. She believed the screenplay had no potential, $268 million worldwide later, she should probably never speak again. Here’s a passage from the US Weekly article;

Lindsay Lohan passed up a chance at a career comeback. The hard-partying starlet turned down a role in the summer blockbuster “The Hangover,” according to Us Weekly, because she said the screenplay “had no potential.” Todd Phillips, who directed the comedy, offered Lohan the role of Jade, a stripper played by Heather Graham. One source told the magazine Lohan’s agent “tried hard to get Phillips to consider her,” but “Lindsay said she didn’t like the script.” Lohan’s rep didn’t return e-mails.

Though we don’t particularly care about Heather Graham, we’re happy she had the sense to take the role and to her credit, acted rather well in the movie. Sorry Lindsay you missed the chance to actually be remembered as something other than an alcoholic lesbian party girl with an even bigger alcoholic party girl as a mother (mmmhmm we see you Dina). This blunt’s for you because when you hear how much the movie made it should make you nauseous and herb can help with that.

Also anyone who hasn’t seen “The Hangover” yet please go and see it, it’s definatley worth the price of a ticket but for a heightened comedy experience make sure you have some herbal refreshment as well.

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Nope, little miss Sarah Palin hasn’t made another stunningly foolish insightful and inspiring press conference about her premature departure from office as governor of Alaska. This disgusting display of famewhore desire that goes beyond that of our most villianized duo, Speidi, gem  of a video comes to us via NY republican congressman Pete King. In the video made a few days ago,Pete King says that we as a country should look beyond the greatness that was Michael Jackson, labeling him as a pervert and pedophile, two things that we know Michael was not. He believes that we should be glorifying our veterans and teachers and police officers instead of spending time celebrating the life of a supremely influential artist.

Well Pete is entitled to his opinion, but his views simply contradict themselves. How on one hand do you say that you would like to celebrate the actions of certain groups of people while simultaneously trying to “shit on” the legacy of another person. I’m not so sure what school of thought Pete’s thinking has been created from, but “fucking retard dip-shit lowlife hungry hippo” might be it. In the great sense of extreme boredom and self-loathing exploration I actually visited Pete King’s site and I was sadly greeted with more ignorance. So if you feel like a need to be amongst the unintelligent and cruel make a stop there and also you can call and say hello to Pete, maybe tell him that he should be more focused on government and his constituents rather than searching for fame, because one pit bull in lipstick is enough.

Pete is a very sad important individual and can be reached at 516-541-4225….or….202-225-7896…..or 631-541-4225

We’re not gonna make definite decisions on what we think the figure that passes through the doorway is, but something is definitely there and we know that had Larry King seen it he would’ve died! Just kidding…everyone knows that vampires Larry King can’t die.

Since im a huge Michael Jackson fan, I’ve seen the video maybe 60 times…yes fuckers, I’m  a paranormal specialist very busy doing things, but Michael is important, and if he’s really trying to reach us already then I’m gonna be on this shit before Nancy Grace’s fat cheeks inquisitive face makes a comment on the video. At around the 0:20 mark of the video you can clearly notice a shadowy figure walk east to west across a hallway. At first I thought well maybe its someone in another part of the house or a shadow from outside, but after about replay number 15 I noticed that the shadow is also on the floor on the home and moves perfectly with the possible apparition.

FYI- If you watch the video after enjoying some “herbal refreshment,” be prepared for an influx of conspiracy theories about the video to rapidly enter your brain….jam on!

What do you guys think the figure in the video is???

This isn’t a joke and actually I’m not so suprised. The FDA is warning consumers not to buy two types of energy drinks that come packaged in test tube like vials, saying that utility knife blades were found in two vials.

Hardcore Energize Bullet Drink & New Whey liquid products are the culprits and both have been recalled. HMMM… Hardcore Energize Bullet Drink??? I’m not trying to say it was necessary that this happened, but with a fucking name like that maybe someone thought that a blade would add to the brands believability???….Finding a utility knife blade in my drink would be pretty damn hardcore and would certainly scare the shit out of me energize me, but whatever the case is, I don’t fuck with energy drinks anyhow. They make some people look like robots on crack and I deal with my fair share of crack addicted robots already, so I’m good.

No one has been injured by the armed energy drink (gimme one bad joke people) but the FDA is warning consumers to not purchase them….and I’m telling you to not fuck with energy drinks and have an all natural weed refreshment….maybe something of the herbal family because you probably won’t find a blade just hanging out in your stash.