My Daily Toke

Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

So I was randomly browsing youtube and came across a video thats fairly old, but never ceases to amuse me. Just in case you’ve ever witnessed Willard Scott in action he is an amazing senial old man with a loose cannon public speaker and is best known currently for announcing the smuckers birthdays on the Today Show. In this video that appeared on on the soup not too long ago Willard is explaining some useless fact little known tidbit about Japanese culture when he asks one of the little girls if she watches the today show and she doesn’t have a television. No i’m not fucking kidding, bitch ain’t got a tv……sorry had to get that out. As a person who worships the magic box embraces television for what it is, I can’t understand how this little asian girl hasn’t sold a kidney or something to get one. seriously though, she should be happy she’s not privy to some of the fuckery that is on tv right now cough denise richards: its complicated cough. Check out this video with some herbal refreshment for the real humor in Willard’s social fau paux.

Ok so over the last couple of years we have been lied to blessed with these anti-weed “Above the Influence” commercials where they usually state how if you smoke pot you will do stupid, reckless, and deadly things. When I watch a commercial I usually just smirk and change the channel but this latest commercial I saw made me fall on the floor with laughter. The commercial ablove titled “Shoulders” explains that if you smoke weed you’re close to the devil, stupid, a hillbilly, and will make your parents cry. They also say smoking weed will ruin your future, not get you into a good school, and you won’t have any friends. Oh I forgot Michael Phelps,Seth Rogen, Lil Wayne, Barack Obama, Barbra Streisand, & Willie Nelson never smoked weed…… wait they did and “inhaled” and turned out to be great leaders in their respective fields one being our nation’s leader. Herb enthusiasts have been used to this kind of propaganda for years but this one combines a little from every other commercial before it. What the creators of this commercial don’t know is that people now are smarter than the people of the past and we have access to the internet where we can seek and find the truth. Thanks for the humor Above the Influence members but we’re onto your agenda. Have a toke and learn something useful.

You know, it’s been a while since the sex tape gods had blessed us with a gift from above. There were Rhianna’s nude pics and then Cassie (both obviously NSFW) ,  but people probably don’t even remember Cassie sharing her vajayjay and nips with the world cause she’s lame, haha

When I head rumblings via TMZ that Leighton was soon going to be the the next star of  ”the greatest personal gift that celebrities can give the world”, AKA her own fucking sex tape, i thought nah, not the gossip girl one that was born in prison…prison babies know better than that, j/k, that wasnt her fault..but my grandmda watches TMZ with a sweet tea like its her fucking job, and she believes everything they say, so I probably should’ve jumped on the bandwagon a while ago. the tape was apparently made a couple years ago with an ex-boyfriend

But for serious Leighton, FOOT JOBS…are we in middle school???  just kidding foot jobs are for adults and 23 yrear old  future sex tape stars named Leighton. Nobody i know gives foot jobs and if they did….they for damn sure wouldnt be videotaping it…it’s ok Leighthon, give Barbara Walters the exclusive first interview and you’ll be just fine, but until then stop giving people foot jobs please, unless its me…..link to the creepy pics below, but if you just want to see the soon to be famous feet, check the pic at the top for a teaser

Leighton’s sexy foot job pics mmmm….hahah, last joke really

Sacha Baron Cohen’s infamous gay character “Bruno”  has been everywhere recently, from appearing on the cover of GQ magazine to dressing in a Hansel and Gretel inspired outfit at the Paris premier of his new film, Brüno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. Im fuckin pumped for this movie because Borat was one of the funniest movies i’ve ever seen. Also because Cohen is usually a master at playing up stereotypes and being offensive while still allowing the audience to relate to his sentiment that, “its just a movie.” I will definitely be tokin away in a theatre on July 10th when it premiers, how about you???

Fox news is on the rampage once again…

Spreading biased opinions and conservative propaganda is not their only specialty. It seems as though Fox news has mastered the art of boldface lying. In an article currently featured on their site, they claim that researchers at the University of Leicester in England have “convincing evidence” (how the fuck do you measure convincing evidence or produce it for that matter) that marijuana smoke damages DNA in ways that could potentially increase the risk of cancer. That’s funny because marijuana has never been directly related to any instances of cancer in any medical studies or records , because had that been true, your televisions would be flooded with ads very similar to those against tobacco. (which indeed does lead to cancer)

It’s apparent that Harry Anslinger has come back from the dead and is now doing stories for Fox News because this is nothing more than an extension of reefer madness and it’s ingorant stereotypical views.

The scientists claim that a “new method” has allowed them to discover that cannabis smoke damages DNA. Well let’s see….”convincing evidence” is nothing more than a nice way of saying “maybe” and since they don’t go into detail or even give a “lamens term” explanation about what the “new method” is that they used to come to these conclusions, i’m gonna go ahead and draw an intelligent conclusion…BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT…check out “the hidden truth” or Norml for the truth on marijuana

Two unaccompanied girls were placed on wrong Continental Express flights over the weekend. An 8-year-old College Station girl incorrectly ended up in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and a 10-year-old Massachusetts girl was mistakenly sent to Newark, N.J., after boarding planes operated by ExpressJet, which is under contract with Continental.

Continental Airlines has released a statement simply stating that the mix-up was a “miscommunication among staff.” On Sunday, Jonathan Kamens said he put his daughter, Miriam, on a Cleveland-bound flight at Logan Airport in Boston to visit her grandparents. He told WBZ-TV that shortly after the plane landed in Ohio, his father-in-law called saying she had not arrived. Kamens said for 45 minutes no one could tell him where his daughter was. She was finally located unharmed in Newark and in the end all Continental has offered him for compensation is $75 bucks.

For fucking serious Continental??? 75 dollars wont even buy that same flight to cleveland. I would probably want 5 free round trip flights to anywhere and i’d probably use them all flying to the motherland, Amsterdam. Spend a day in Amnesia and then profess my love to a lady of the night in the red light district, but i don’t like doing the same things twice while on vacation so who knows…

Fresh off their humiliation “participation” with the addictive show “I’m a Celebrity Get me out of Here”, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag made it their personal business to milk their disastrous time on the show for all the press they could and then some. (I’m pretty sure Palin is on a conference call with Speidi right now, seeking advice on how to be a known joke and still gain public noteriety, shes probably closer to that than I realize, but whatevs)

If you’re unfamiliar with the show, “Im a celebrity Get me out of Here” puts washed up gently used celebrities into a Costa Rican jungle and has them duel it out in jungle creature and arachnid laden challenges, which have included eating stick bugs and dead tarantulas.

Spencer and Heidi proceeded to visit at least 7 shows yesterday (just the amount that I literally saw them on) to torture give their side of their experiences in the jungle and so that Heidi can show that her skull doesnt really have holes that have allowed her brains to ooze out leaving simply a shelter for air, by continually spraying her dry shampoo which no one really seems to care about onto her finely manicured hair. In the clip from their appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Spencer proceeds to shoot backhanded comments at Al Roker who was one of the first to make Heidi cry interview the duo since their return from the jungle. We can really appreciate Speidi’s famwhore like attributes, but they were really only on the fucking show for like 4 episodes…..WHERE WAS THE LOVE FOR FRANGELA?….they were pretty funny in their confessional moments…and i wish they were there to translate some of Janice Dickinson’s words form last night episode.

With all that said we like Speidi. Yes, but mostly because Spencer smokes weed. Anyone who can appreciate the herb has to at least be respected by us.

p.s.- The Roots were playing Beck’s “Loser” while Speidi made their exit ….coincidence I THINK NOT…i literally almost fell from my bed or maybe it was because i was a bit lifted..who knows

All consumers might want to stop using Zicam Nasal Gel and related products because according to the FDA it can be potentially very harmful to your sense of smell. By potentially very harmful we mean they think it can permanently fuck with with your sense of smell. The over-the-counter products contain zinc, an ingredient scientists say may damage nerves in the nose needed for smell.

The FDA is actually claiming that about 130 people have come forward reporting a loss of smell after using Matrixx Initiatives’ Zicam products since 1999. What the fuck Matrixx….are people letting Keanu Reeves manufacture nasal gel theses days, we know his career is hurting because of shit like lake house doing great and all but everyone has side jobs these days???

“Loss of the sense of smell is potentially life threatening and may be permanent,” said Dr. Charles Lee, of FDA’s compliance division. “People without the sense of smell may not be able to detect dangerous life situations, such as gas leaks or something burning in the house.”

Apparently Matrixx, the people who make Zicam have settled hundreds of lawsuits related to the use of its products in recent years but after looking on their site today they are still clearly telling consumers otherwise because this was posted on their site “No plaintiff has ever won a court case, because there is no known causal link between the use of Zicam Cold Remedy nasal gel and impairment of smell.” OK sure no one has actually “won a case” because you settle before they make it to trial…..Keanu Reeves is apparently making their statements as well because only Keanu would be puzzled by the task of thinking of a better way to form that lie….

This is really the reason that I dont fuck with any type of chemicals people!!! Our bodies are not made for crazy ass nasal gels…pack a bowl, toke away and your nose wont fucking run anymore…THE END

p style=”text-align: left;”>ok….first you’ll notice that i havent included a picture of Sarah Palin because I think that her comments and response to this has been something that one might expect from the beautiful lady below this post…the chola queen…because i think shes taken what started as a joke that her young daughter would have never known about had her mother not tried to segway defending her child into grabbing every single press spot and chance to speak negatively about Letterman that she could…

For those of you who have been living under a rock, or who were almost in the same situation as me and just dont care about anything Palin related, David Letterman made a very funny, but albeit completely distasteful joke about sarah palin’s younger daughter being knocked up by Alex Rodriguez at a Yankees game. Yes we know it was wrong sarah, but you dont see Letterman running to every press outlet defending himself from some of the stones you’ve recently thrown. He apologized and said it was wrong and hes done.  Palin went so far as to make a correlation between Letterman’s joke and pedeophilia as well as making him partially responsible for womens self-esteem issues???? WTF palin…anywho i’ve come to the conclusion that she is CRAZY AS CAT SHIT just desperately fame hungry and determined to stay in the limelight, but yo palin, the gig is up

and now to ease my anger from having to waste my time writing about such a lame bird….a toke for letterman and his spencer pratt like beard